Wake up. Get out of bed. Get online. Grind some coffee beans. Check E-mail. Pet the pussycat. It’s another day in Paradise…
10:21 AM: Stretch. Another day at the crack of dawn. My voicemail mocks me, while a dozen or so recorded messages reside in digital silence. My email In-box is relatively quiet this morning; just 80 or so messages. The “Post-It” note stuck onto my monitor tells me that my mom’s PC monitor (in L.A.) is flickering ceaselessly. I call my travel agent and book passage to the West Coast. Matthew to the rescue.
10:44 AM: My second cup of French Roast brings me up to speed. I’ve seen wading pools smaller than this java delivery system, however, all my synapses are firing. That’s no small feat. Ok, I log into NPR to listen to the news. The audio quality sucks so I lean over and turn on a real radio. Good news; no major disasters or world events have been recorded onto the global log file today, yet.
10:49 AM: Several clients call to ask about their Web pages and when I’ll be finished. If multi-tasking is the cross-training for the nerd set, I am an Olympian. I’ve got php on my left, cgi on my right. I am Navigating, Exploring and Communicating in a large way. HTML has been very, very good to me.
11:11 AM: Nothing’s happening, but since this is my favorite time of day, I programmed a very sexy female voice announcing the time from my computer speakers. Three thousand bucks and you too can have a talking clock.
11:18 AM: Can’t forget to exercise. I install a new software program. I jump… to conclusions. I am spent. Feel the burn.
11:56 AM: Think about my radio show. No guest is scheduled for this evening. “Couldn’t we just play music instead of talking tonight?” I ask Lin. She says “no” and tells me “to just be myself.” That frightens me.
12:03 PM: My tears are dry now. I shall forge ahead.
12:04 PM: Hunger sets in. A good cry always whets my appetite. Lunch is an egg-white omelet, cherry tomatoes, an orange, and a bottle of Yoo-Hoo. Life is good.
1:01 PM: Wake up from my nap. Flirt with the idea of working for a living. Wonder who would want to hire me; the convicted charmer, unwilling to do anything (except for my way), a guy who would rather go for the funny bone than the jugular, wears shorts and sandals, and is constantly chattering.
1:14 PM: Check for snail mail. More checks and money orders come in from our web site. Am reminded why I always abandon those works of fiction, the job hunt.
1:30 PM: Saunter into Lin’s office, offering her a No-Fat Fig Newton. I’m feeling quite good about myself right about now. Decide to take a shower first, then begin to undress. I realize just a moment too late that she is speaking with our landlord. Didn’t even see him. Whoopsie!
1:51 PM: Locked NASA out of our web site. The feeling of power is immense. I’ll never be an Astronaut.
2:27 PM: Overlooking Diamond Head and the blue Pacific is such a blessing. I keep track of all of those blessings. I slave away, high-class at Gigablast-speeds. I’m scanning, FTP’ing, editing audio, speaking to the CEO of an ISP, and munching on a midafternoon PB&J. I’ve caught the acronym virus and it’s spreading at a fever pitch.
3:39 PM: My consulting work takes me to a local bank. CyberCulture has entered into the realm of banking and it’s my responsibility to educate management and corporate types on Netiquette, secure on-line transactions, Web P.R. and other aspects of how the digerati do business. The loan officer is reduced to mush by the wild meanderings of “Doom” — (is it a computer game or is it a designer drug?). I walk out of there with one very important opinion; it’s a darn good thing our money is insured…
5:05 PM: I shop for dinner. Tonight’s an “S” night. Salmon, spinach salad, sweet potatoes. This alpha-numeric thing really makes shopping (and eating) an adventure. WebMasters must eat smart.
7:00 PM: A glass of wine while I put the finishing touches on the salmon. My friend Bob, the software guy, and I, have been on the phone for an hour and a half. He’s sending me files that his “friend” (from Hong Kong) gave him. I ask no questions. Bob offers no explanation. We’re beta-testing long before the beta testers themselves.
7:39 PM: My mom calls from L.A. She is totally unimpressed that my web site is the busiest one in Hawaii and that it’s getting close to 10 Million Hits Per Month. She says things like, “Internet shminternet, in my day you didn’t need a computer, you just used a pencil and paper. It forced people to think. My darling son, you are a shmendrick.” I am reduced to a small webmaster puddle. “Thanks for calling, mom” I struggle to speak, as I think to myself, “that VCR of yours is gonna blink <12:00> into eternity!”
8:08 PM: Needing to comfort myself, I sit outside beneath the stars and consume the better part of a tin of Almond Roca candy. That familiar pink can is a good friend. Just wish they’d make it a different color, more of a guy color, ya know, instead of that pink?
8:46 PM: Our friend Amber calls to invite us to watch her sing tonight. She asks for quite possibly the thousandth time, “Um….what time is your radio show tonight?” I answer with, “The same time tonight as it has been for THE PAST FOUR YEARS!!” Makes me wonder if she disconnected her brain modem. I tell Amber, “Maybe we’ll come by after the show,” which, if you know me, means, um….well…, no. I hang up with time for one more snack.
10:00 PM: Time for the show…